Good Evening Darling,
It’s been awhile since I wrote on here… Why?
Have I been too busy to even write my feelings or thoughts on life here? Have I been too lazy and although physically able to write chose not to because what I thought I could write did not come from my true self…. from the heart as they say.
Maybe a little of both. Maybe in fact, it is neither? That is up to you to make that judgement. What I can tell you is the things I would like to share with you today, after many a week thinking and contemplating.
I don’t want to admit it. But yes I have. The day comes by when you feel so sad, so tired and exhausted that the best way out is …… Death.
For what we know for certain is this life. Is it not? What is the beyond? What happens if I make that final decision and decide in a true moment of passion that I cannot live another second of this and want to end my pure misery on earth?
Funny. How that decision comes so easily when you have just had absolutely enough and refuse to consider the rational…
Why should I live? What do I have to live for? What comes next? Is this truly the end? Am I making a bad decision by choosing suicide and not letting my true destiny take me? What are the real consequences of this?
The reality is we cannot answer any of these questions. The real real is… that in a half ass moment of passion when maybe you’re not entirely sure you want to die but just hurt a lot you actually manage to commit the deed….you’re gone and maybe you did not truly intend so. You just wanted someone to tell you they care. But that moment will never ever come for you because you’ve succeeded unfortunately.
Hopefully there is an after life, a soul, a heaven or hell, something or anything? Maybe the next time around things will go better for you, or maybe your true intention will come through to some one.
Nunc Autem, Non In Perpetuum, Sed Pro Bene Vale……